Bullies

I have something to say about bullies.  Although we all think we know what bullying looks like, sometimes bullying is subtle, and evident only to those involved.  Sometimes it takes forms that we don't necessarily consider bullying.  

I'm pondering a very sad event that happened in my neighborhood recently.  I would love to tell the story here, but I don't know how the family would feel about it, so I will refrain.  But, let me just say this - when you take actions and make decisions that affect another person's private life, and make those actions and decisions public and fodder for gossip, you are a bully.  When innocent people are hurt and humiliated by your actions, you are bully.  The ripple effects can be more disastrous than the intent, but that doesn't make it ok.  

When you tweet and blog about personal situations that you know are hurtful to the other people involved, that is bullying.  When your behaviors affect others and your commentary on it is specifically designed to hurt, humiliate, intimidate, or provoke another, that is bullying.

My heart breaks for the family involved in this most recent string of events.  There has been drama, retaliation, great pain and ultimately, tragedy.  If the people involved knew the ripple effects their actions would have would they have acted differently?  I don't know.  But I doubt it, since the bully in this situation now seems to see herself as the victim and the scapegoat because someone retaliated.  I'm not quite sure why this came as such a surprise.  Maybe no one has ever confronted this bully before.  The rumor is that she has gotten away with, in fact has a history of such selfish, hurtful behavior, in the past.  So, maybe she truly didn't expect anyone to hold her accountable.

I just know that there is an awful lot of talk lately about bullies in school and protecting our children, teaching them how to stand up to and stop bullies.  But I look around and see adults whose behavior is no better.  Whether you are 5 or 35, it's still bullying.


Ultimately, bullies are cowards and that's why we teach that they should be confronted.  They hide behind groups of friends and online identities.  But, when confronted, they will often turn the tables and try to accuse the people confronting them for their actions as the bullies.

Our children look around and learn bullying behavior.  They see adults who have no consideration for others, whose main objective is to make themselves happy.  What do you expect the children are going to learn and absorb?  What the adults around them say or what they do?

Please please keep what should remain private to yourself, particularly if what you are doing hurts other people.  If you choose to make your private life public knowledge, and as such you are hurting innocent people, be prepared to be stood up to.  That's what we tell our children to do, and we should do no less as adults.   You don’t get respect where it is not given and don’t cry “victim” if you are the one that started the war.

Productivity Schmoductivity....

So, I'm back from another great scrapbooking weekend!  I wish I could say that I got a ton of pages completed and am really proud of my accomplishments.  But, in reality, the weekend flew by. I had a problem with my printer and my finished pages, for the most part, did not turn out quite as I had hoped. I am already visualzing and making notes about some changes that I want to make.

The truth is, I'm getting more than a little anxious about the number of photos that are piliing up and my lack of both organization and time to devote to this effort.  I worked on 5 pages this weekend and did a couple of mini albums that I will give as gifts.  I usually attend a couple of scrapbooking weekends a year, and at the rate of 5-10 pages per getaway, I am falling behind at an alarming rate.  It never fails that every time I return from a weekend away, I have grand intentions of devoting more time to scrapbooking and making it a real habit, scheduling a specific amount of time to it each week.  But, alas, I always find myself at the next weekend crop realizing that I haven't touched my stash since the previous weekend away. 

My husband, in an effort to help with my frustration, even set up a cropping area for me, so I would have an inviting little space where I could work to my heart's content.  But the space available in our house is a sitting room in the bedroom.  So, although it is a great space that I know I am lucky to have, I end up feeling isolated up there, so I tend to avoid it.  Hubby's new plan is to move some furniture around and create a space in the living area of the house, so I can be a part of the evening's activities while I crop.  This is going to take some thought and reconfiguration of a rather small space. At any rate, in some way, shape or form, I'm going to have to figure out how to step up my efforts.

 As always though, I had a great time at the crop.  I love this time to  reconnect with my friends, scraplift some new ideas, get a massage, have no responsibilites for a couple of days, really relax and let my hair down....hmmm...wait.... did I say I have a productivity issue....??

Would You Like…To Play…A Game?

Without a doubt, games are awesome.  Not only are games entertaining and fun, but we learn from games as both children and adults.  Games are emerging in adult/professional/serious venues.  The value of games and what makes a game of good educational value, is hotly debated.  However, I don’t think there is any doubt that games can be used to teach problem solving.

If you are a child of the 80s, like me, you most certainly remember the oh-so poignant moment at the end of the 1983 movie “War Games” when the computer “learns” that it can’t win at “Global Thermal Nuclear War”, any more than it can win at “Tic-Tac-Toe.” 

Remember the trailer tag line?...“Where the only winning move is NOT TO PLAY.”

Just as in the movie “Wargames” we have to learn that sometimes, the only way to win is not to play.

I love this scene:

Stephen Falken: Now, children, come on over here. I'm going to tell you a bedtime story. Are you sitting comfortably? Then I'll begin. Once upon a time, there lived a magnificent race of animals that dominated the world through age after age. They ran, they swam, and they fought and they flew, until suddenly, quite recently, they disappeared. Nature just gave up and started again. We weren't even apes then. We were just these smart little rodents hiding in the rocks. And when we go, nature will start again. With the bees, probably. Nature knows when to give up, David.

Humans apparently lack this simple understanding; not due to our instinct to fight for survival, but due to our most human, and most arrogant, need to be right.

I read a blog post by Denny Coates recently that put it very simply – “The truth is impotent when it contradicts someone’s beliefs.”

There is a reason why the previous generation rarely discussed politics “in polite company”; why there is no talking to the Tea Partiers when they equate facts with opinions.  It was very sadly and blatantly put in a conversation I had recently with a family member, when faced with a “fact” and his response was “and that’s your opinion.” Stunning. Mind blowing.

Why keep banging your head against a wall?  Why argue with someone who is not going to see things differently, who does not have the capacity to see things from another point of view?

Futility. That there's a time when you should just give up.

Why fight a fight that has no winner or a fight that is long since passed its time? Sometimes the only way to win is not to play – said another way; never wrestle with a pig, you’ll both get dirty and only the pig will enjoy it. 

Desiderata

I have been contemplating this poem lately.  It speaks volumes to me at the moment.  I had intended to blog about it, explain what it means to me.  But really, the piece is so simply perfect and complete in and of itself, that I decided to just post it here, in it's entirety.  My hope is that it will bring serenity, peace and focus to those who may read it here, as it does me.

-- written by Max Ehrmann in the 1920s --

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.