Welcome, welcome, fall, the very BEST time of year! I can’t believe October is over already! Fall is my favorite time of year and October is, without a doubt, my favorite month, in no small part because my son was born in October. Many of the moments surrounding my son’s birth were filled with chaos and ended up in a blur. I do, however, have a beautiful, clear memory of lying in my hospital bed the morning after my son was born, looking out the window and witnessing the most amazing sunrise showcasing the dazzling colors of the changing fall leaves, and knowing that my life would never be the same. Everyone had gone home to get some rest, and it was just my newborn and I, all alone for the first time.
This is one of the moments in life that brings me contentment and joy. This is the moment I often call to mind whenever I need to re-focus on the things that are truly important and rid myself of the daily garbage that can drag me down. This is why October is so important to me. This is the time of year when I realize how short life really is and how fast it goes by. This is a time for reflection for me; a time to take stock and be thankful for all the wonderful and amazing things in my life, among the most important, my (no longer a baby) boy.
Like any mother, my son has inspired me every day to try to be a better person and better mother. He makes me want to be the person he thinks I am. Every choice that I’ve made since he was born was, in a way, inspired by him and my desire to work with my husband to provide the best life possible for our little family. I don’t regret any of the choices I made.
I wanted to be able to be with my child, every day, as much as possible. Of course, it wasn't always possible. A living has to be made, after all. But, I was extremely lucky to be working for a law firm that provided 100% of my pay during a 4 month maternity leave. In addition, they had on-site day care for parents returning from maternity/paternity leave, so that I could see my son and have him near me every day during this important transition period. My husband and I managed for me to home with my son throughout his entire kindergarten year, the first year he can remember relocating to a new state. I was there for him, trying to help him make friends and become independent. I've never had to miss a birthday, a holiday, or an important first experience. For this, I am eternally grateful.
Every decision I’ve made has been made deliberately and with the full understanding of the possible consequences. Every career move, every relocation, each with specific pros and cons carefully weighed. I would never say that I was living an inauthentic life or a life that I didn’t want. If I didn’t want the life I had created, I would have made different decisions.
I say all this as a preface to the point I am going to make that it is time for change, and that yearning for change going forward doesn’t mean that I would change anything in the past. Change is a part of life. As I watch my son grow and change from a little kid into a young man, I realize that the decisions I make going forward will need to grow and change too. I realize now that there are a number of things that I have always wanted to do and now is the time to try to do them. Now is all we have. Everyone does the best they can with what they have and what they know. When you know better, you do better (I think I heard that on Oprah). Well, now I know better. This is the year for me to start making different choices and doing things differently. This is the year for me to not only embrace the past and my past decisions, but to embrace the change.
