I was watching a news recap of the events of 2011 and one segment that really stood out for me was the interviews with Jerry Sandusky, that scumbag from Penn State who molested young boys. The part that really struck me was when he was asked if he was sexually attracted to young boys, and he actually flubbed the answer! Now, a normal human being would not have hesitated in categorically denying any attraction. Even an accomplished liar would not have hesitated, knowing that such a question had only one respectable answer. The reason Sandusky flubbed it though, was due to the fact that he actually had to wrap his mind around the fact that his actions were wrong. The interviews – not just one of them but TWO interviews, where he made the exact same mistake made it clear to everyone watching that he is completely convinced in his own mind that he has done nothing wrong. Ted Bundy didn’t think he did anything wrong either. Charles Manson still wonders why he is jail.
The sad truth is that these people walk among us. They are not monsters; they don’t have horns and cloven hooves. And, they are not all child molesters or murderers. But they wreak havoc in the lives of people close to them in myriad ways. They just lack something that most of us have. Call it a moral compass, a sense of responsibility, call it respect. Whatever it is, there is a piece missing which allows them to behave however they want, and to sleep at night, to even feel good about themselves.
They don’t have to apologize for anything, because they’ve done nothing wrong, in their minds. Although, they may become good at apologizing in an effort to convince others that they truly do have a conscience and care about others’ feelings. In fact, they become expert “spin doctors.” They learn how to make themselves the victim in every situation that does not go in their favor; from turning a failing business into a “win”, to lost relationships into the fault of the other party, to claiming that they are more adult, evolving, taking risks and chances that others are simply too ignorant or too fearful to take or even understand. They will make sure they project an image of themselves as good, caring and loving individuals, beyond question. They are often parents and churchgoers. In fact, they will go to great lengths to advertise the fact that they are particularly good citizens, churchgoers and excellent parents. The Green River Killer, after all, was a cop and made a point of volunteering in the community. He was also, by all accounts, a devoted family man. Sadly, his particular sociopathy was not identified in time to save lives.
Even when these people are spotted, confronting them and outing them becomes a problem due to the fact that the individuals being hurt are, in one way or another, wrapped up in the relationship and have something to risk. For example, in the Sandusky affair, the issue was money. Keeping Sandusky’s actions undercover (no pun intended) was vital to the Penn State football program.
A sociopath will act like your friend, find out your secrets, and then hold you hostage with them. People who know sociopaths have a lot wrapped up in not standing up and calling them out, be they business or personal relationships. This is how they maintain control – through fear. They are treated like friends publicly, but talked about behind their backs. How many people knew about what Sandusky was doing, for example, and for how long, with evidence even, but no one spoke up.
So, what does one do when one realizes they have encountered a sociopath in their midst? You can’t get through to them, since they are so utterly convinced of their superiority and “rightness.” So, why bother to try? Why have the boys that were molested by Sandusky finally able to step forward? Was it because of the power in numbers? But, one person had to step forward and speak up first. One person had to break the cycle.
I pray for people who have been affected by both the monsters like Sandusky and the everyday run-of-the mill sociopaths that they may, unfortunately, encounter in their lives. Whether they stand up and confront their nemeses or just learn to cut the sociopath out of their lives and move on.
Of course, barring the horns and cloven feet, and barring any allegations of criminal behavior, the run-of-the mill sociopath is hard to recognize. I think the best we can do is to not let our guard down. I wish I knew how to best warn people; to prevent the pain and destruction that will undoubtedly be encountered by letting such a person into their lives. So, I send my thoughts out here, hoping that someone who needs to hear this will. That someone will beware and will take heed.
No comments:
Post a Comment